Self Love & Discipline

“You don’t love yourself enough. Or you’d love your nature too, and what it demands of you.”
MARCUS AURELIUS

The iron mind need not be so stoic that it cannot experience the validation of self-love.

Today's psychotherapists explain that self-love fosters cognitive benefits like enhanced self-awareness, improved decision-making, and emotional balance by strengthening the prefrontal cortex and calming the amygdala, while also reducing anxiety and promoting a positive mindset.

Stoic philosophers viewed self-love not as modern "indulgence," but as a duty of self-respect and self-appropriation (oikeiosis). For the Stoic, you are your own primary responsibility, and caring for your character is the highest form of love. Stoics argued that just as a mother naturally cares for her child, every human has a natural affinity for their own well-being.

Seneca described his progress in philosophy as "learning to be a friend to myself". He believed that being a friend to yourself ensures you are never truly alone and provides a stable source of support.

Stoic self-love involves being kind but firm. It means holding yourself accountable to high virtues like courage and justice because you believe you are "worth it" and capable of improvement.

Self-Love Tips

Treat yourself with the same compassion and understanding you would offer a loved one.
Be mindful of things you're proud of
Be mindful of your importance in the lives of others
Acknowledge that everyone makes mistakes and offer yourself self-soothing
Regularly list things you are grateful for
Reflect on positive experiences

Activity: Self Love

Choose one of the self-love tips above and give yourself some self-love in your journal at least three times each week.

SELF LOVE LOG

Try this meditation for self-love

Self Discipline

The Stoics said that self-love came first but what follows is our duty to one another. Cultivating love for others can be hard after we have been hurt. Keeping boundaries is important and healthy. But allowing our hearts to soften just a little at the core builds much needed beams of empathy in the iron mind.

Try lovingkindness meditation. It's a staple of Buddhism, rather than stoicism, but a beautiful practice that can help us feel connected to one another. Check out our YouTube playlist.

Marcus Aurelius wrote in his journal:

Be tolerant with others but strict with yourself."

Just like a good parent will reprimand or admonish a child, we should learn to do so for ourselves.

Seneca said:

The first step toward correction is the admission of error."

The Stoics saw self-discipline not as harsh self-denial, but as self-governance—the ability to guide your thoughts, choices, and actions with reason instead of impulse. Self-discipline meant not believing every thought, not obeying every urge, and not reacting automatically to discomfort. This is why Stoicism pairs so naturally with CBT: both focus on interrupting automatic reactions.

Without discipline, emphasized the Stoics, desires control you, fears control you, and other people’s opinions control you.

Activity: Master of The Self Plan

Think about the person that you want to be. But don't think too long. Marcus Aurelius told himself not to waste too much time thinking about what a good person does, just to hurry up and become one. We will explore these themes more soon. Today, write yourself a letter. How can you use self-discipline to become a master of yourself?

MASTER OF THE SELF

Explore More

📒Marcus Aurelius' famous book Meditations can be seen as an ultimate act of self-love. It's actually his personal journal. Here he admonishes and reprimands himself, validates and praises himself and the philosophy he lived by. If you read any of the original stoic texts, It should be Meditations.

🎦 Watch this YouTube video on Marcus Aurelius.

Assignments

✒️Complete SELF LOVE

✒️ Complete MASTER PLAN

Next Step:

Indifference